Grand Larseny

From time to time I get the notion to rip a random picture found on the internet completely out of context and write about it, funny style, purely for your amusement. That’s how much I love you.

We live in a rebellious time. College students protest nations intent on war with dangerous terrorist cartels. Union workers rebelling against their employers unless their demands, reasonable or not, are met. Older generations rebel against progress, unable, or too afraid, to change. Everyone has a fight to carry on, a cross to bear. My burden is a deep, personal conviction that will eventually change the zeitgeist of our generation. I rebel against front-facing baseball caps.

Friend, this is not easy. Like freedom marchers before me, I have had the frosty hose of discouragement turned upon me. People young, old, and bear alike call me out in public for my aerodynamic styling. You haven’t felt the sting of slight condescension like I have, and you never will. My tears run black with the mascara of a thousand bristles.

Long have I carried the mantle of the backsie movement (or reverse-wear as you may know it). It started in the late eighties, but now even pleather wholesalers discriminate against top-turners who merely want to exchange government secrets with small bears. This world is not ready for the efficient design my head displays. Are you?