Grand Larseny

What's a sweatshop without a little fun?

An easy question

In my opinion, the most awesome verse (as in Chuck-Norris-style awesome) in the Bible has to be Job 38:3. Let me just quote it real quick:

Now gird up your loins like a man,
And I will ask you, and you instruct Me!

Most people just don’t seem to get the truly awesomeness of this. I mean, this is like something that God would say if He were riding on a Harley made of a tornado and lightning. Pardon my french, but saying “gird your loins like a man, because I’m about to ask you something, wise-guy” right then is the most badassed thing I think anyone in the existence of the universe could say. Let’s just imagine that happening now to truly understand what’s going on here.

Look outside. If you are outside now, look up to the sky. Hopefully it’s a nice, blue sky with maybe a cloud of two. Ok, done with that? Got a good picture of a nice blue sky in your mind?

Now, imagine all the clouds in the sky growing and spreading to cover everything you see in literally two seconds. The winds are swirling so hard you have to cover your face with your hand, but that doesn’t quite cover everywhere. Flecks of dirt kick up from the ground to pinch your face in the cracks between your fingers.

You squint your eyes against the raging tornado in your back lawn but that doesn’t really help, now does it? Running inside is also out of the question; trying to outrun the Deity of the universe seems rather silly, doesn’t it? So you stand there, just trying to keep upright when a voice commands you “Gird you loins!”

Oh that voice. You’ve known it your whole life, but have never heard it before. It’s not the normal hearing either. It sounds from all around you, inside your body, from your heart to your head. It itches the bone on the inside of your skull. If it weren’t for the tone in the voice you’d love it, and love life, but instead you have to change your loin girdings because you know you can’t respond to anything God demands. Who could?

So, back to God commanding you to gird your loins, he follows that up with “because I’m about to ask you something, and since you’re so wise you can enlighten me.” Wisely you decide to leave your tongue numb. There’s nothing you can say as you finally realize what it means that He is God and you are small. He made the universe and there’s nothing you can do to even make a dent in it.

All right, wasn’t that fun? Go outside again, I promise it’ll still be a bright day. Just remember God is the original rebel, the original individual, the original James Dean. Having said all that, there are still things I don’t understand. I don’t know why, or how, God can exist in a sinful universe, but I know he does. And I know I can’t answer any of the questions God asked Job, so I think I too will keep my tongue numb.


  1. vivian says:

    whoa that was amesome – I used to be scared to read Job – i don’t know why but it is totally amazing – thanks for the good word. i love the tornado illustration

  2. Shishir says:

    I just came across your blog. You guys have a fun qukriy style. This one was a little awkward to read but wraps up great at the end. Thanks for informing us all so well about your loins. By the way, I loin side to side.

Leave a Reply