Most people daydream sometime. I have to fight for peace of mind where I’m not daydreaming. Because of this, I’ve become quite effective at entertaining myself.
Today while following Monica home from the mall I started to daydream. Being the selfless, debonair person I am, I thought of what would happen if someone started shooting / chasing / hassling Monica and my only course of action was to somehow crash my car while jumping onto Monica’s in order to protect her. I heard about it happening on Oprah, so it’s happened before.
Obviously I would execute the maneuver without a hitch. All my training as a stunt car driver and jumper has to pay off sometime. But, let’s take for granted that I total my car while in the process of saving Monica. What then? Would my car, that I’ve paid for myself, be ruined forever? Isn’t that what insurance is for?
How would you file an insurance claim of wrecking your car in that situation? I think you’d have to file it under “Totaled my car while being totally awesome.” That should take care of all the red tape. So, my mind then went to the courtroom where the insurance company is disputing my claim of being totally awesome. You can’t dodge the real world.
After a long, litigious battle the only possible ending is to hear the plaintiff’s attorney argue “But, your honor, you can’t possibly allow someone to base a claim on being ‘Totally Awesome.’” The judge sighs and admits “I’m afraid I have no choice. The facts are indisputable. Mr Larsen totaled his car in the act of being totally awesome.”
Yes, friends, my life is good. Er, awesome.
Welcome, and thank you for purchasing this informative book on electronic phosphors! Today we will be dealing with one of the most simple process imaginable; typing.
Just look around you, typing is all over the place. Someone typed in the instructions for your VCR whose clock you never programmed, but that’s OK. Someone typed in the schedule for Backwater Bass Fishing on the who-gives-a-care channel. Why, even my secretary is typing this document for me! No, Susan, don’t write that; I don’t want to sound lazy.
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Monica and I came home last night to find a very unusual scene. You see, our living room is normally a rather well-kept area of the house, free from random mounds of fluff, string, and fabric. That is why it was so odd to find that an unwelcome mound of fluff, string, and fabric had taken up residence in the middle of the floor.
The only culprit I can suspect is the toy I had bought for Kate an hour earlier. Some rogue agent must have planted a minor IED (Improvised Explosive Device) inside the toy before I purchased it. With nefarious intent, they detonated the furry ducky before my dog’s eyes.
I can only hope that Kate can bring herself to play with other toys. She does love chewing the tar out of them. Other people have made the audacious claim that perhaps Kate did the damage herself. Do these people not realize that if she destroys her toy, she cannot play with it again? I think the evidence speaks for itself. Behold!
Welcome, and thank you for purchasing this informative book on paper. This book / pamphlet will teach you the following:
- How to interact with people of different ethnicities.
- How to learn from and cooperate with individuals that are not yourself.
- How to accomplish mission-oriented objectives in a cost-effective just-in-time e-commerce marketplace.
- And possibly, how to tame a wild cougar. Ha ha ha, I’m being metaphorical of course.
This section of the IBL deals with the Americas. That is, people living in the United States.
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